Ben

Excuse Me, We Need to Talk About Me (It's Ben)
Look, I'll cut to the chase here—you need me. I know what you're thinking: "But Ben, I don't even know you!" Well, ACTUALLY, we need to fix that immediately. I have OPINIONS and they're all very important.

First off, I'm gorgeous. Four years old, tall, lanky. Basically a supermodel but with more personality. And speaking of personality—I've got TONS of it. I'll tell you all about it. Right now. And later. And constantly.

See, I'm what experts call "exceptionally verbal." You call it "Ben won't shut up about dinner." I call it "effective communication skills." The door's over there? Thanks, I'll let myself in.

Oh yes, THE DOORS. Let's discuss my talents: Straight handles? Child's play. I'm a professional. Round doorknobs? Still learning, but I'm COMMITTED. I attempt them daily. You'll find this adorable. Everyone does.

I'll follow you everywhere. Bathroom, kitchen, that meeting you're on. Because honestly, how are you doing ANY of this without my input? I'll sleep ON you (not near you, ON you). And I'll supervise literally everything you do wrong.

Male cats? Hard pass. They're all terrible. Sister cats? Fine, I was raised with one. Female cats in general? They can stay. They get me. But let's be honest—I'm really here for YOU.

Everyone who meets me falls completely in love. It's exhausting being this charming, but I manage. I'm a one-in-a-million, solid, affectionate lad. Who just happens to need a home.

So... are we doing this or what?