Million Paws - Albert Park extravaganza

IF YOU stood still too long, you could have been trampled by four-footed fiends. It was a nose-to-tail affair, and heaven help you if you fell behind.

This was the Albert Park Lake version of the 13th annual Million Paws Walk — one of about 60 such events held yesterday to raise funds for the RSPCA.

Albert Park was one of 14 Victorian locations. If you were so inclined, you could have put pooch on a leash and trotted along to similar walks in Castlemaine, Geelong, Portland, Bendigo, Warrnambool, Shepparton and Werribee.

Naturally, it being a social occasion, owners were eager for others to appreciate just how truly gorgeous, handsome, robust or idiosyncratic their canine critters were.

I like a dog dressed smartly in a tartan coat or with a knitted cap. Who doesn't? Some people think it's twee. Please do not count me among them.

From 10am, dogs and owners set off on the lake circuit. The black swans paddled their curiosity to the lake wall, barely hiding their disdain, turned, and glided away, refusing to comment.

If you didn't feel like a lap of the lake, there was plenty of activity at the main arena, which was hemmed in on three sides by a horseshoe of tents. Coffee, barbecued snags, fairy floss and pizzas? Of course. Merchandise? Step right in for your Million Paws T-shirt, baseball cap, bucket hat, dog bandana or dog coat.

In the AFL challenge, Collingwood veteran Shane O'Bree was the sole Magpie against four Carlton players. They had all brought their pets, and were required to encourage them around a short course of hurdles and through a tunnel.

"We're taking this competition very seriously," said the announcer.

This should have been imparted to the dogs, who spectacularly failed to oblige their owners, ducking under or around the hurdles and showing a marked disinclination to enter the tunnel.

It was like asking Gilbert and Sullivan to write an AFL training manual, but the crowd loved it.

There were competitions for cutest pet, waggliest tail, best trick, and the almost incomprehensible "owner/pet lookalike". The latter raised too many disturbing questions. Do I really think I look like my dog? If I win, who is more humiliated — me or Fido? In the end, a man who had gone to enormous trouble to dress in a poodle costume, carrying the most darling poodle, came second. That is, the only competitor who did resemble his or her dog was beaten by someone who did not.

There was a good crowd at the RSPCA marquee, where it advertised its pet classes. Book your hound in for puppy prestart, follow up with puppy preschool, then move on to junior manners, pet dog manners, canine games, drop-in classes (a refresher course), and kitten kinder.

And there was a queue for the RSPCA's free vet advice marquee. A terrific service, really, though I stood there a fraction too long and came away wormed, microchipped and deloused.

Reference: Steve Waldon, The Age - read the full article

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